Dealing with Your Dreaded, Dastardly, Lower Self Saboteur
by Pam Chubbuck, Ph.D.
Have you ever sabotaged yourself? 
I ask clients, Have you ever made a choice that truly went against your highest interest? Have you ever made a choice that made your life worse instead of better…Perhaps you kind of knew it would but you did it anyway? Clients say, Oh my god yes! How did you know? Or they don’t know what I am talking about at first but after I explain about the Mask, Lower Self, Higher Self and Saboteur, they too look at me with wide eyed wonder and mutter, yes!
We all, yes sorry, all, have a saboteur, a part of us that just keeps making it terrifically hard to move ahead on our path of conscious evolution. In fact the Saboteur does not want us to get ahead. It is Saboteur’s job to keep us stuck and it does this by sabotaging the most important positive movement our Higher Self wants to make. It is the devil incarnate. As Pogo said 45 years ago, I met the enemy and he is us.
Core Energetics and The Pathwork have brilliantly spoken, written and taught about how to work with the Mask Lower Self and Higher Self. About 20 years ago, after many years of practicing Core Energetics I realized that it would be helpful to clients to separate the Lower Self into at least two parts. One is the Wounded Child, and has all the feelings and emotions that the child usually could not openly express. The other, The Saboteur, Is a destructive volitional part that works for negative impact - at the very least to keep us stuck, unmoving, and at most - ultimately works diligently for our demise.
The Saboteur is the part of the Lower Self that traditionally is our No! to life. Just as our Higher Self is our Yes! to life. If our saboteur takes over, which it does when we are not aware, we create our personal hell on earth staffed by our worst fear demons. Or we can create heaven on earth by facing our Saboteur, transforming it and living from our hearts, our High Selves most of the time.
The Higher Self says: I want to love. I am love.
Love is all there is. Life is safe.
When we live in love, by love, for love, we could be as serene as The Dali Lama; living our Heaven on earth.
But- the Saboteur says: There is no love! How foolish to believe in love. Remember how hurt you were when you last tried to love someone? Or to receive love? Just stop! Cut it out! If you try to open your heart to love you will be killed. Or at least wish you were dead. Listen to me I’ll keep you safe! (Ha ha).
What Creates Hell? Contrary to what some fearful mothers and fathers, (and preachers) tell their children, not some story of a red, cloven hoofed, spiky tailed, double horned Mephistopheles, who lives on dead babies and travels the world looking for wayward souls.
Living outside the positive Life Force of Love creates our hell on earth. Simple as that. But the Saboteur wants us to believe there are no redeeming factors about life. It wants us to believe what that famous negative bumper sticker says, Life Sucks, Then You Die.
The Saboteur has its greatest power when under cover - under ground - unknown. It can and does rule us when we don’t know what negative messages it tells us and why. If we learn to allow the Saboteur a voice, find out what s/he says, then we can grapple with the dreaded beast and it will begin to lose power.
 Love is the most powerful, force in the universe but often it does not feel that way at all. Not surprising, when unexplored, the hidden negative seems most powerful. It takes over because we believe its voice to be true.
John Pierrakos, founder of Core Energetics, said many times that it is vitally important to express the Lower Self. I heartily agree that dealing with past trauma, and expressing hurt and anger and all repressed emotions is an essential part of our consciousness expanding work. I add that, when we specifically express the Lower Self Saboteur it has an amazing transformative result. Ultimately uncovering and speaking the Saboteur’s negative intent is an essential part of our healing. And because Core Energetics is a truly holistic process, we must and do work with all aspects of ourselves including the essential body movement and emotional release which transforms dark energy to light.
The Saboteur is tricky, sometimes speaking through the Mask and sounding rational when really, it is not at all. Mr. or Ms Saboteur knows all our deepest secrets, the very things that make us the most, afraid, sad, and angry. It knows how to make us feel our craziest.
Often when we tease apart the rats’ nest of negative “stuff”- the negative messages we were given as children sound today, coming through the Saboteur, very much like the parent or care giver we are trying to be different from. And that is maddening! We find that the mother’s voice or father’s voice, that said and perhaps still says, we are stupid, lazy, imperfect, too loud, not loud enough, hurry up, slow down, not pretty enough, too fat, too skinny, too black, too white, talk too much, don’t talk enough, bratty, too sexy, etc, - the messages we have hated and still hate, have become internalized in our Saboteur. How diabolical is that!?
Below are some examples of how the Saboteur works to make us feel wretched. These are universal experiences so perhaps you will find aspects of yourself here. I hope you will look for them.
Gregory, age 52, an intelligent, gifted man with spiritual longings, was referred to me because he was anxious, depressed, and was threatening suicide. He had obtained a large hunting knife and was threatening to cut his wrists.
 In the 6 months we had been working I had taught Gregory to identify and dialogue with his Mask, Lower Self Wounded Child and Lower Self Saboteur. He was doing remarkably well, using my Say Yes to Life! exercise DVD to move his energy, and writing a dialogue between his “parts”, every day.
After he started therapy with me he soon moved out from his wife of 20 years which seemed necessary to him (and me) as they were much entangled with co-dependant manipulation and were keeping each other from moving forward toward conscious evolution. He did love her but definitely did not like how he felt around her or how they were with each other. Progress was being made, although painful of course.
Greg realized that his suicide option was over, that he had used it as a way to get out of his pain, (if I have the option of getting out of my body – of my life – I won’t hurt so much). He realized that he then would not have to take on the transformation of his suffering and he would stay stuck. Forever. Good thing that his High Self really wanted to live, get better and feel joy. Now finally he was experiencing a way to do it - Core Energetics.
Saboteur Hates Consciousness
I warned Greg that when there is a leap forward in consciousness the Lower Self Saboteur usually kicks up a fierce storm. His Saboteur was threatened by the progress Greg had made in the last 6 months and was scheming to use all known tricks to stop his progress.
Soon afterward I received the below e-mail. Read it and then read how I responded. This is one example of how I communicate with a client whose Saboteur is getting very loud and threatening.
"Done, Pam. I quit.
Tired of watching what I do to people, especially when kind and try to help me.
Sorry for any drama; just can't take it anymore; you were wrong about me
making any progress. I am crazy.
Very sorry to have wasted so much of your time.
Cancelling Thursday. And I won’t be coming to the workshop I put the deposit on.
Just be relieved and breathe."
I knew Gregory was in trouble if he was threatening to quit therapy - again.
He had mentioned it in the past but this time it felt more serious to me.
Below is what I replied:
"Hi Gregory,
To Wounded Child: I am sorry you are hurting. Come and see me today. It is OK to let out your pain here in my office. And you are safe here with me.
To Saboteur: Nope, you can't quit until you have satisfied a termination process stated in Client Instructions and agreed upon by you.
Maybe not even then because you have to have agreement from HS and WC. If you can't get in touch with HS then you have to work on it until you can - on a steady long term basis.
To HS: Come for session today. Bring LS, WC, S with you. Be sure to bring yourself too.
How is 2 o'clock?
PS, don't forget the more you really make changes - even ones you consider small -, and take risks, and have possibility of change, the more your Saboteur kicks up a storm.
You will want to fulfill the agreement of at least four termination sessions before you quit.
Dear Gregory, Your HS is more powerful than your Saboteur. Your Saboteur just tells you differently... he says if you don't believe him (S) - it is very dangerous. What he really means, and won't tell you is that he will have less power and your HS and Real Self (Greg) will have more power.
With love,
Pam"
He replied:
"but it's Sunday...I have yanked on Pam all fucking weekend - and days and nights and months - already, one way or another, like constantly and that's getting worse...
and Saboteurs' storms just get worse and worse as he gets more scared and desperate and he makes me feel it all and it's terrifying and seems like I just hate myself more and all my "I can't" stuff rages, too...he's just going to keep it up till he wins and kills me and I just keep wasting more of your time.."
I then simply re-sent my original response.
"I repeat:
Hi Greg",
...
(Re-read my original response above.)
"With love,
Pam"
Greg did come for a session on that Sunday. His session was powerful and cathartic as Gregory worked very hard to express his Wounded Child emotions. He kicked, hit, cried and screamed for two hours. He expressed the deep pain he felt around the fact that his father was not there for him as a child.
Later, he told me I saved his life that day. Two months later he is doing well. And he has not threatened to quit again. (So far – but may if his Saboteur becomes frightened again by the continued progress he is making.) We have made a particular effort to be sure he has a space and takes the time to kick and rage, and/or cry on a daily basis. This keeps his anxiety level manageable and his Saboteur is losing real ground as his Higher Self is gaining. Greg continues to faithfully do the dialoguing work and exercises to the DVD, Say Yes to Life! He is now able to see his Saboteur and delightfully even laugh at his antics some of the time.
Murray, age 64, a psychotherapist, came for a three hour consultation and revealed a saboteur similar to many other folks I have known. Murray’s mind won’t let him rest. It goes over and over the same information – much of which he can do nothing about because it is past history. He constantly asks himself - How did that happen, why did that happen, could I have done anything differently and had a better outcome? These questions are not negative in themselves, and could be quite helpful when taken seriously for the purpose of learning about ones true self in order to make positive change. But this was not what Murray was doing; his Lower Self Saboteur was spinning these questions on the hamster-wheel of life. He did this in order to keep himself from actually doing anything positive about his life.
Murray had high blood pressure, a depressed attitude and body language to go with it. Underneath he was furious. But his Mask hid his anger and his Saboteur runs the show to keep him stuck.
Bringing out his fury and doing the body work necessary on a daily basis brought down his blood pressure quickly to a normal range. When allowed to rant out loud his Saboteur quiets down - ahhh relief - and he has fewer episodes of spinning in circles and going nowhere.
Cynthia, age 50, has been in therapy for almost a year. She is generally furious about what happened to her as a child, who like all of us, experiences it as the worst, even though she knows many people who had more physical and emotional trauma. She now is furious that her life is very difficult. She spends a lot of precious Life Force blaming others for what she has created through the choices she has made. She also blames others for how she feels. Her Saboteur loves that she continues to spend her energy on something that she can not change and that has others feeling uneasy around her.
She is beginning to see and change this pattern by continual dialogue with all her parts, (M, LS, HS, S) teaching through the Core Energetic work, doing the body work, and reading some Pathwork lectures. She is seeing the subtle hold her Saboteur who uses her Mask, has had on her, by turning her attention onto others in blame, and blocking her ability to look at her own issues. Progress is being made.
William and Joe
William, is a client of Joe, one of my supervisees. William age 54, a physician, is chronically depressed, has some physical issues and is addicted to prescription pain medication. Although he is a smart person he is not able to get past his wanting to lean on others and has had to give up his job. Now he sleeps all day, and spends time trying to figure out how to get others to help him rather than on helping himself. His Saboteur wants him to stay stuck. In fact loves that he is stuck in the small hell of his own making.
My work with his therapist, has been in assisting him to see his counter transference issues. Therapists all must learn to welcome the inner work that counter transference brings up for us. Joe had to work with his own Saboteur, who wanted him to fail in helping this man who was not ready for real help but was manipulating and using him. (Not surprising - very much like Joe’s mother!) His Saboteur also wanted him to keep trying and failing staying in a negative loop that would bring his Saboteur great satisfaction. Joe felt miserable. He wanted to help and thought his job was to show William how to get better and if he did not, he would be a failure. The therapist finally came to see it was Williams’ responsibility to make good choices and since he did not, Joe needed to terminate therapy and send the client to a twelve step program or residential program for addicts. Joe finally did this when he saw that his own Saboteur wanted him to suffer and feel bad because he could not save the client.
He of course could not save his Mother either.
Rachael, age 56, an intelligent woman, has been offered a wonderful job opportunity. It is something she is gifted in and has done before quite well. She literally shook after accepting the job. She thought she was terrified she will fail.
She is afraid of failure of course but there's more. In working with the concept of the Saboteur she realized that her High Self knew she was not only capable of doing a good job but was capable of great spiritual expansion. This is the very thing that curdles a Saboteurs blood! That spiritual expansion is just the thing it has to stop – that’s it’s’ job description!
Since all of life is created from love, by The One, our most dastardly dreaded stuff is simply Light that has forgotten how to shine. Even our darkest most frightening nasty places truly want the clouds to lift. We always, in our deepest soul, wish to return to The Light. We long to return to Love.
How to Transform your Saboteur
How do we get out of our Lower Self Saboteur syndrome?
- Energize the issue. Bring it to light.
- Dialogue with your Saboteur and allow it to have its say.
- Making it conscious is our only hope. . Only then can we have choice about what we do – how we want to live.
- Pray for help
- Ask for help from any and all beings of Light you feel connected to or wish you felt connected to
- Meditate to go inside and find your own Higher Self - Your Core
- Nurture yourself spiritually by reading positive books and poetry, listen to beautiful music, go be in nature and visit a great art museum
- Quit being around negative people who are not working toward their own development
- Find people who are working toward their own conscious evolution and invite them to dinner
- Sing with them
- Join a spiritual community that is real and fun
- Raise your vibration by transforming your stuck energy (kick, yell, cry)
- And last but certainly not least, learn to laugh with compassion at the antics of your Saboteur. After all, s/he is simply a distortion of your most brilliant Light
|
positive attitude is stronger and conscious, while the negative one remains hidden. It is therefore essential that the hidden areas of the soul substance be uncovered in order to understand, from seeing the imprints, why the desired fulfillment is still missing in life." 
